For some trying to figure out what they want or desire in their life is a challenge. They’ve gotten stuck with the idea that they don’t know what they want in fact that is usually their answer to the question what do you desire out of life or what do you want (“I don’t know”). But thinking they don’t know blocks them from actually knowing. We all know what we want – we just sometimes have got our minds so focused on what we don’t want that we can’t really see any other possibilities.
So where do you start if “don’t know what you want”?
Option 1: You start with what you do know.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle to divide the page into two halves. Then on left side write out everything you don’t want. If it helps break it down into categories – what don’t you want around what you do/career/work, with your relationships (partner, family, friends), with your finances, with your body/health, etc. Keep listing out everything you don’t want in your life.
Once you’re done close your eyes and take 3 deep breathes in through your nose (for 4 counts) out through your mouth (for 7 counts).
On the other side of the paper across from what you don’t want write out the exact opposite what you wrote down so for example if you wrote down I don’t want to work at a job I hate – the exact opposite would be I want to work at a job that I love. Cross out the items on the left at you write out the exact opposite on the right.
Once you’re done with that take a break (15 minutes, hours, days whatever feels good). Come back to your list of wants – now take each item and ask if I could have it be exactly the way I want how would this change & how would I feel? Note it may not change but get specific if you can & always write out how you would feel. So for the example of “I want to work at a job that I love” – this may change to I want play at a great organization where I’m making a difference in people’s lives and I love what I’m doing each day. I would feel love and fulfilled.
Continue to go through all your items & then take another break. After a while go back to it and for each item ask yourself what would be even better than this & I would that feel? (this might not be necessary but it can be helpful for you to get really clear about what you desire).
Option 2: Start with where you are and what you’d like to do next.
Get some paper and ask yourself “If right now all of a sudden I had more money than I could ever spend and all the time in the world what would I do next & how would that make me feel?” After you write one thing down then ask what would I do next & how would that make me feel? Keep asking & answering the question then what would I do & how would that make me feel?
BE SPECIFIC – don’t write I’d travel – write out where, when, how long & what would you do & how you would feel. More than likely you’re going to write stuff about things you’d stop doing and things you’d buy or places you’d would go, etc. Eventually you will get to a point where hidden desires will surface.
Now here’s where you really uncover your true desires – go through your list that you chose to do & highlight the feelings you wrote down for each of the items. Those feelings are what you truly desire – sneaky huh? Everything we want truly just boils down to a feeling. When you know the feelings you are wanting then you can start to design your life around them.
If you’d love to know how to get started there are several easy ways – The Daily Design is a simple way to quickly get started or setup a time for a session to learn about 1:1 coaching and how that can help you incorporate your true desires into your life.